October 23, 2010

Can you tell I have PMS and small children?

Over the last 2 years I've picked up a few things during the hours of re-runs recommended one hour of tv my kids watch during the day.  If I had the opportunity, I would sit down and have a conversation with some of these horribly obnoxious, mind numbing educational characters on these shows and give them a little advice.

These conversations would go something like this:

Ok, everyone is asking this question, so I"m going to come right out and say it...Max and Ruby, where the hell are your parents?  I know you "say" you live with your grandma, but how come I never see her?  You make my kids think they can run around outside all day with no adult supervision.  Ruby, you are like 7, do you really babysit for the Huffingtons?  While we are on the subject, Ruby...you really need to quit being so damn bossy all the time.  You are not Max's mom.  Geez!  If you want to help out, teach the kid how to say more than one friggin word. 

White kid from Fresh Beat Band...ok, I know you know how to "beat box" and all, but that does not make you cool.  You are probably the whitest white kid ever.  You drive me nuts!

Dora, seriously...shut up!  I have a hard enough time trying to keep my kids to be quiet and you are not helping the matter.  We use inside voices at my house and you are constantly telling them to "say it louder" and "say it again".  Tuck that damn bowl cut behind your ear and maybe you won't need everything repeated for you.

Handy Manny, we can cut the sexual tension with a knife.  Just tell Kelly that you are into her and be done with it already.  I mean, come on! 

DJ Lance...you are amazing.  Nuff said :)

Ok, thanks.  I'm glad we could talk that out.  I feel a little better.


Melissa said...

I've totally thought the same thing about Handy Manny before too! Hilarious, as always, Sara.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely agree, because:
- Max & Ruby are my nemesis
- I want to punch Twist in the face every time he raps
- Oh Dora, stop being so damn peppy
- Handy Manny is so lame even MY kids won't watch it. Thank goodness.
- DJ Lance rocks my world

That is all.